My resolution for this year was to get what I can of my health issues under control.
Well, I started the year out with major fibro flairs, and since March I've had flue B, the only person in the area to have such and how I managed that I don't know! I also had a major UTI/bladder infection that took several months and three antibiotics to get rid of. My blood sugar levels decided to go from being low to being high, and my wimpy immune system decided to let the mono germs out of jail. And lets not forget the mysterious lung function decreases that resulted in my needing oxygen at night.
That ladies and gentlemen is what comes from making new year resolutions! Bad idea all the way around. I solemnly swear to never make a resolution again! :P
So, if you've missed me, now you know where I've been. If you haven't, don't worry, you haven't missed much anyway. Mostly me snoring my life away. Very boring really.
Now, it's time to pick myself up, once again, and get something or another done. I'm feeling optimistic here, oxygen is a wondrous energy producer. I got things I want to do, if only I knew what I did with the tools to do it with...
Monday, May 23, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Knowing when to say enough
After careful consideration I've decided to drop out of the Year of Jewelry Project.
I've always found starting a thread difficult, and when that thread involves taking a photo, cropping it, etc, it's the next best thing to impossible. But I thought I could do it. Surely once a week wouldn't too hard to manage, right? Well, I was wrong I can't do it. Not even after the powers that be gave me permission to start a draft and work on it a little at a time. I just can't get it together enough to get the photo's taken. The ones I have managed to post have left me in tears by the time I was done. :(
I was really enjoying this until my fibro went into flair again, but now...it's too much stress. So it's time to say so long Year of Jewelry Project. I enjoyed knowing you, and I'm going to keep the subject list and putter about with it as my body and mind allows. Time for a quick cry over what might have been, a bite of chocolate, and a taking stock of what comes next.
I've always found starting a thread difficult, and when that thread involves taking a photo, cropping it, etc, it's the next best thing to impossible. But I thought I could do it. Surely once a week wouldn't too hard to manage, right? Well, I was wrong I can't do it. Not even after the powers that be gave me permission to start a draft and work on it a little at a time. I just can't get it together enough to get the photo's taken. The ones I have managed to post have left me in tears by the time I was done. :(
I was really enjoying this until my fibro went into flair again, but now...it's too much stress. So it's time to say so long Year of Jewelry Project. I enjoyed knowing you, and I'm going to keep the subject list and putter about with it as my body and mind allows. Time for a quick cry over what might have been, a bite of chocolate, and a taking stock of what comes next.
Friday, February 18, 2011
I haz a happy, or two, or three...
Today, well yesterday by now, was a enormously fantabulous day!
First off I woke up with NO pain. Not a even a twinge. Sure the normal fibro ouchies came back once I got up and moving, but the massive flair up that's kept me in bed for most of the last four weeks has taken itself else where and good riddance says I!
Second, I had a nice big box from Rings and Things come in full of all kinds of fun and wonderful stuff. Files, and polishing cloth, beading needles, a bur cup, bead reamers, Polly clay, a whole stack of gemstone donuts, LOS gel, and a bunch of other stuff that I can't remember right now. Oh, and a huge lamp-work bead that makes the most fantastic spindle and just happens to be around the same size of the one on etsy that I've been drooling. Now that I know that size bead will work, next time I have some spare cash that baby's mine!
Third, the pharmacy finally got my vitamin D RX straitened out, so I've have like twice the energy today then I've had in ages and ages.
Fourth, I found out that medicaid will pay for seasonale, or it's generic counterpart at any rate. Wahoo!!!!! No more losing two weeks out of every month to low hormone depression. No more week long migraine. No more borderline anemia. No more feeling like I'm completely out of control and having to worry what I'm going to do or say next. Happy dance!!!!!!!! Happy dance!!!!!!! And think you Lord!!!!!!
I'm so looking forward to getting acquainted with the real me, the one that's down to earth, level headed and optimistic. Mz Hide has overstayed her welcome and I'm giving her the boot!
First off I woke up with NO pain. Not a even a twinge. Sure the normal fibro ouchies came back once I got up and moving, but the massive flair up that's kept me in bed for most of the last four weeks has taken itself else where and good riddance says I!
Second, I had a nice big box from Rings and Things come in full of all kinds of fun and wonderful stuff. Files, and polishing cloth, beading needles, a bur cup, bead reamers, Polly clay, a whole stack of gemstone donuts, LOS gel, and a bunch of other stuff that I can't remember right now. Oh, and a huge lamp-work bead that makes the most fantastic spindle and just happens to be around the same size of the one on etsy that I've been drooling. Now that I know that size bead will work, next time I have some spare cash that baby's mine!
Third, the pharmacy finally got my vitamin D RX straitened out, so I've have like twice the energy today then I've had in ages and ages.
Fourth, I found out that medicaid will pay for seasonale, or it's generic counterpart at any rate. Wahoo!!!!! No more losing two weeks out of every month to low hormone depression. No more week long migraine. No more borderline anemia. No more feeling like I'm completely out of control and having to worry what I'm going to do or say next. Happy dance!!!!!!!! Happy dance!!!!!!! And think you Lord!!!!!!
I'm so looking forward to getting acquainted with the real me, the one that's down to earth, level headed and optimistic. Mz Hide has overstayed her welcome and I'm giving her the boot!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Looking for the key to the real world
I didn't realise until a few months ago just how much I relay on the Internet for social interaction. At that time I had a severe, life threatening reaction to a new pain medication. I was filled with rage, thought of suicide, valiance. There were also changed to a forum, that to me was home, that did away with the one thing I desperately needed to keep my business on line. Every day is a struggle, and this one thing was a lifeline, a goal to reach for. Something to share with others reaching for the same goal.
I tried to explain what this meant to me, but no one understood. I got frustrated, then I got angry, then I was out of control. I started crying and couldn't stop. I wanted to yell and scream, and I wanted to just stop living and never start again. I barely had it together enough to realize that something serious was going on and to send out a cry for help.
By then it was too late. I got a message that I was on moderation, my PM was shut down, and I could be baned without notice. I almost died that night. I had cried for help and instead was pushed away and forcefully segregated from the only friends I have. They were right there on the screen, but I couldn't reach out to them, and they couldn't reach out to me. I don't know if this was a group decision, or the actions of one person, all I know is I came to close to dieing as a result.
My parents realized what was going on, stopped the medication, and set up a 24 hour suicide watch. They, my sister, and both cats were there every second of the week end until I could get in to see my DR. They were there for most of the next week keeping watch, and keeping me safe. I was truly blessed.
I tried to participate in the forum, but my posts didn't show up for six to twelve hours after I made them. You can't participate in a rapidly developing, off the top of your head, conversation that way! Then to be remained with each and ever post that there was a wall between me and the others, that to all intent and purposes I had become a ghost, unseen and, I truly fell, unwanted. Well it just wasn't going to work out, the medicine induced depression thrived on the situation. My Dr said, quite forcefully, I was to leave the forum. My parents and sister agreed, and so I left and haven't been back.
To my forum friends who are reading this. I miss you. I miss you a lot! Leaving was a hard choice, but under the circumstances leaving was the only choice and it was a life saving one.
As I slowly recover from this, and look around me, I realizes that I've lost touch with the real world. I don't have any real life friend. Acquaintances yes, but not anyone who I feel like calling up, just to pass the time of day, and no one who would call me up for the same. I'm not even sure I want friends anymore. Not the close kind. Not the kind that can break your heart. And that scares me. I've always been a loner, always felt most comfortable on my own, but everyone needs someone to talk to, or to set and enjoy the quiet with from time to time. I don't have that, beyond my family, not in the real world. I don't even know if it is to be found, here in the little bit of no where that I call home.
I tried to explain what this meant to me, but no one understood. I got frustrated, then I got angry, then I was out of control. I started crying and couldn't stop. I wanted to yell and scream, and I wanted to just stop living and never start again. I barely had it together enough to realize that something serious was going on and to send out a cry for help.
By then it was too late. I got a message that I was on moderation, my PM was shut down, and I could be baned without notice. I almost died that night. I had cried for help and instead was pushed away and forcefully segregated from the only friends I have. They were right there on the screen, but I couldn't reach out to them, and they couldn't reach out to me. I don't know if this was a group decision, or the actions of one person, all I know is I came to close to dieing as a result.
My parents realized what was going on, stopped the medication, and set up a 24 hour suicide watch. They, my sister, and both cats were there every second of the week end until I could get in to see my DR. They were there for most of the next week keeping watch, and keeping me safe. I was truly blessed.
I tried to participate in the forum, but my posts didn't show up for six to twelve hours after I made them. You can't participate in a rapidly developing, off the top of your head, conversation that way! Then to be remained with each and ever post that there was a wall between me and the others, that to all intent and purposes I had become a ghost, unseen and, I truly fell, unwanted. Well it just wasn't going to work out, the medicine induced depression thrived on the situation. My Dr said, quite forcefully, I was to leave the forum. My parents and sister agreed, and so I left and haven't been back.
To my forum friends who are reading this. I miss you. I miss you a lot! Leaving was a hard choice, but under the circumstances leaving was the only choice and it was a life saving one.
As I slowly recover from this, and look around me, I realizes that I've lost touch with the real world. I don't have any real life friend. Acquaintances yes, but not anyone who I feel like calling up, just to pass the time of day, and no one who would call me up for the same. I'm not even sure I want friends anymore. Not the close kind. Not the kind that can break your heart. And that scares me. I've always been a loner, always felt most comfortable on my own, but everyone needs someone to talk to, or to set and enjoy the quiet with from time to time. I don't have that, beyond my family, not in the real world. I don't even know if it is to be found, here in the little bit of no where that I call home.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
YOJ week three
Whoever said that the life of an artist was all glamor and light, never had to preclose and debur a hundred plus jump rings! Boring in the extreme. But it's done and well worth the effort. I think. I'm proud of this piece. It's a major accomplishment because even the simplest wire work, such as these eye pins are really hard for me to do. Wire just doesn't talk to me the way fiber and seed beads, do.
See this clasp? OOOO and AWE over it a lot. This is the first time I've managed to do a clasp like this. Oh, I've tried, and I've mangled a lot of wire. But a finished clasp? Not a one... until today. I'm not the least bit proud over this accomplishment, of coarse, I'm staying nice and humble and serine about it. Really I am!
See this clasp? OOOO and AWE over it a lot. This is the first time I've managed to do a clasp like this. Oh, I've tried, and I've mangled a lot of wire. But a finished clasp? Not a one... until today. I'm not the least bit proud over this accomplishment, of coarse, I'm staying nice and humble and serine about it. Really I am!
Friday, January 14, 2011
Murphy 10, Lauria 0
So, in my last post, I mentioned I joined YOJ 2011. For my second week I planed to make a bar chain (How to video here.). It's a new technique for me and looked interesting. Which, if you've known me for any amount of time, you'll know that new technique and interesting are what I live for.
Well, first I had to get over my fear of the dremel. It took a while, but after setting there with it running I started to feel sorta silly doing nothing and stuck my wire end to the grinding bit. One wire piece smoothed and I lived to tell the tale, YEA ME! Then I rolled my wire to make it nice and straight and tried to flatten it. Didn't happen! I don't know if I'm a wimp, or my wire was to thick, or it wasn't the right softness, or what, but I pounded and pounded and pounded and it didn't flatten a bit. Phooey on trying to flatten it with a bench block, I'm going after the hammer.
Um, I do have a hammer around here somewhere...I think. At least I did... At one time...
Oh well, who wants to make a bar chain anyway? Not me!
So then I decided to make some wooden bead out of blood wood, purple heart and wenge. Apparently there is a secret to sawing a straight line in wood. I don't know what it is. Sure I could follow a line in the front, but the back went all sideways and ended up twice as thick as the front. I haven't' a clue why. I tried busting a blank along the grain line and ended up with some very interesting wenge kindling. Two days latter, I've reduced four pen blanks to sawdust and splinters and irritated every single trigger point in my neck.
Ho, hum!
Friday morning has downed and I'm desperate, not to mention dizzy! Every time I turn my head to the right the world does an interesting bump and grind, followed by a swoop and swirl that threatens to knock me out cold. I've had it with wood, I think I'll play with bugle beads instead. Or maybe not. Out of 20 beads I had 20 different lengths and my fire line was too large to fit through the beads enough times, and the beads broke, and bugles are stupid, ugly things anyway!
My attempts to wrap a briolette didn't go any better. Running bead packages through my fingers didn't get me anywhere. My muse has apparently run off in great disgust at my incompetence. Which is fine with me. I don't like her all to much either. She is obviously in cahoots with Murphy!
Well, first I had to get over my fear of the dremel. It took a while, but after setting there with it running I started to feel sorta silly doing nothing and stuck my wire end to the grinding bit. One wire piece smoothed and I lived to tell the tale, YEA ME! Then I rolled my wire to make it nice and straight and tried to flatten it. Didn't happen! I don't know if I'm a wimp, or my wire was to thick, or it wasn't the right softness, or what, but I pounded and pounded and pounded and it didn't flatten a bit. Phooey on trying to flatten it with a bench block, I'm going after the hammer.
Um, I do have a hammer around here somewhere...I think. At least I did... At one time...
Oh well, who wants to make a bar chain anyway? Not me!
So then I decided to make some wooden bead out of blood wood, purple heart and wenge. Apparently there is a secret to sawing a straight line in wood. I don't know what it is. Sure I could follow a line in the front, but the back went all sideways and ended up twice as thick as the front. I haven't' a clue why. I tried busting a blank along the grain line and ended up with some very interesting wenge kindling. Two days latter, I've reduced four pen blanks to sawdust and splinters and irritated every single trigger point in my neck.
Ho, hum!
Friday morning has downed and I'm desperate, not to mention dizzy! Every time I turn my head to the right the world does an interesting bump and grind, followed by a swoop and swirl that threatens to knock me out cold. I've had it with wood, I think I'll play with bugle beads instead. Or maybe not. Out of 20 beads I had 20 different lengths and my fire line was too large to fit through the beads enough times, and the beads broke, and bugles are stupid, ugly things anyway!
My attempts to wrap a briolette didn't go any better. Running bead packages through my fingers didn't get me anywhere. My muse has apparently run off in great disgust at my incompetence. Which is fine with me. I don't like her all to much either. She is obviously in cahoots with Murphy!
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Searching for a deadline
For me, being creative has always been about the design process, leaning new techniques, and finding interesting new ways to use those techniques. Finishing a project, showing it off, putting it up for sale, those things have always been included in the tiresome necessities of running a business category. It's nice to finish a product from time to time, but nowhere near necessary for my peace of mind.
I know that sound harsh, but it's true. I don't care about the finished product, I care about the journey. Once the journey is running smoothly I lose interest, and look forward to the next journey. The best journeys are those where you never know the outcome, till you set back and say "It's done!" Those are the ones that are worth showing off. Sadly these are few and far between.
As a consequence I hardly never finish a project. I need a firm deadline, or a group challenge to get me to the finish line. That's why I joined The Year Of Jewelry Project 2011. The challenge, one piece of jewelry a week for a year.
I have ideas, and I'm eager to get started!
I know that sound harsh, but it's true. I don't care about the finished product, I care about the journey. Once the journey is running smoothly I lose interest, and look forward to the next journey. The best journeys are those where you never know the outcome, till you set back and say "It's done!" Those are the ones that are worth showing off. Sadly these are few and far between.
As a consequence I hardly never finish a project. I need a firm deadline, or a group challenge to get me to the finish line. That's why I joined The Year Of Jewelry Project 2011. The challenge, one piece of jewelry a week for a year.
I have ideas, and I'm eager to get started!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)